Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
