that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
