physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
