just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
