it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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