Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
