Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
