i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
