I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
