Do you still have your period?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
