it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
