im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
my penis made a compromise with my morals
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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