if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
