he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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