I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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