He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize