THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
