i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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