You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
