You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
