Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize