I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize