I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
