If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
