I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
