you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
