You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
