i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize