you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
