I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
