No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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