There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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