Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
