Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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