I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
