I feel like I'm in dance class right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
