Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize