u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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