Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
