Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
