you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
