I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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