my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think i have two assholes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
