I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
