I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
