my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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