At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
