There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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