Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
