Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
