i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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