Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
