Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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