And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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