a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
