i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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