i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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