i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm getting married
To pizza
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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