i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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