oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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