haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
