New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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