Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She announced her abortion via fbk
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
