i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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