I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
