So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just high enough for therapy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
