sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
