somebody snuck up and got me drunk
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
