No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
