i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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