I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You left your phone here
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