im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
