i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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